This boy. He taught me how to love a baby crying in the night, how to love giving my body to someone so helpless, how to love waking up every couple hours in the night—just to check on him—, how to love playing trains, how to love reading the same book about trains repeatedly, how to love changing poopy diapers, how to love singing songs before bedtime, how to love going on what only a toddler would call an adventure, and simply, how to love.
This boy taught me how to be a mom, and I miss him so very much these days. The most challenging part of this first week with Bruno hasn't had anything to do with nighttime feedings, engorgement, or any of the usual postpartum discomforts, but has had everything to do with not being able to be the same kind of mom to Sebastian.
Man I love this kid. I know that most of what I'm feeling is probably just a result of having so many new and emotional things happening in such a short amount of time. Things aren't normal right now, but they will be again soon. Not a new kind of normal, because I hate it when people say that, but a better normal. God is growing and shaping our family into what it is supposed to be, and that's a good thing, even though it's not easy.
I'm praying now for peace and patience. I love this new little man of mine, but am struggling to figure out what it looks like to be a mom of two. So for now I'll just keep loving and waiting. Also, what a relief to know I'm not the only one!
P.S. Cute, gratuitous pictures of Bruno coming soon.
Love this post, Mary! You are such an encouragement to me (and I'm sure all the other moms and moms-to-be) that read your blog. We are so happy for your bigger, better family and pray that God blesses you all richly.
ReplyDeletethanks so much kaite. you're so sweet. i can't wait to see how God shapes you and your growing family in the months to come. can't wait to hear all about this sweet little girl of yours. : )
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DeleteI know how you feel! That's how I've felt with Evelyn too... it's getting better though as we settle into more of a routine. Monday was my first day home with just the two of them. I cried all last week just thinking about it, but it was a much better and full day than anticipated. :) Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteIt gets a lot better, I promise. It takes a bit for your hormones to calm down and your heart to learn how to love your sweet babies... but, you'll get there. You'll find your new rhythm. And, it will bring with it a whole new sound for your family. A fuller, sweeter, more vibrant sound.
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys! You're doing great Mama.